I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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