i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Don't make out with my wife yet
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
