I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
