im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
