i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
