your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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