she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
