Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
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