I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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