Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
