So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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