(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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