I can tuck mytits in my pants
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i've created a new STD.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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