I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
