your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
