Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
