were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
