I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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