Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
