My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The struggles of a small town man whore
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
