just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Randomize
