Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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