In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
