So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
