his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
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