worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Randomize