your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
