i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
