How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
