i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
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