highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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