she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
