is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
