is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
