You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize