I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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