yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
