I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
