So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
