Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
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