I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
