I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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