if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
