apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
