im holly from the hills drunk
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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