I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
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