All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
