i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
