remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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