i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
