That's intense
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
