You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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