Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
