Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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