This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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