I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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