Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
im on a boat
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