I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
