i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
