when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
