omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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